THE INTERVIEW Marcel-style

A Proustian dog-on-the-beach interview with
Alfie and Dolly Bel Bruno-Goldberg


Alfie is a 10-year-old, 84-pound Goldendoodle. Dolly is a 15-month-old,
30-pound Labradoodle.

What is your present state of mind?
Alfie: Umm, like chill?
Dolly: Frantic!

The quality you most admire in a dog?
Alfie: I don’t really admire dogs, present company excluded!
Dolly: Will they play ball? Will they let me nibble on their ears?

Your favorite painter?
Alfie: I like that painting of the dogs playing poker, but I don’t know the dude who did it.
Dolly: The guy that painted our house last spring. He came with dog treats. Smart.

What is your dream of happiness?
Alfie: That’s easy. An indestructible chew toy.
Dolly: A groomer who knows what to do with this hair.

What do you believe is your greatest misfortune?
Alfie: Kids who pull my tail.
Dolly: Cats—the species, not the show. Though actually …

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Both (in unison): Listening to our guardians babble to themselves
in quarantine.

 Your favorite virtue?
Both (in unison): Like um, duh…loyalty!

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